Door to Door

Vacuum SalesmanThe knock on the door sounded oddly cheerful, but when Gwen opened it, she was startled to see a disheveled man with a crazed look about him. He reminded her of Rasputin, except for the complex looking machine he held in his hand. He produced a maniacal grin and started his spiel before she could close the door in his face.

“Good afternoon, sir or madam!” he exclaimed, small droplets of spittle spraying from his foam-flecked, crusted lips. “You are about to be amazed! Watch this!”

And with that he leaned past Gwen and threw a large handful of dirt onto her new, cream-colored carpet.

“What are you doing?” she screamed, “Have you lost your mind?” She realized too late that it was a rhetorical question.

“Fear not, pretty lady!” Rasputin chortled. “This is your lucky day! I am here to introduce you to the revolutionary Suck-o-Matic 9000, the next generation of home vacuum systems.” He brandished the device in his hand in what Gwen felt was an unnecessarily threatening manner.

“But my carpet,” she protested, “you’ve ruined it!”

“Tut tut, my dear,” he replied, “there is no dirt or stain too tough for the Suck-o-Matic 9000. It incorporates the latest breakthroughs in nanotechnology, space-age polymers and HOBO filters.”

“Isn’t that HEPA filters?”

“Never mind that. Give me five minutes of your time and this modern-day miracle will have that carpet looking better than new or I’ll personally eat every grain of dirt on your rug!”

Gwen looked doubtful. “Are you sure about that?” she asked.

“I guarantee it, madam! Just give me a minute to set it set up.”

“OK,” said Gwen as she turned away, “I’ll go out to the kitchen and get a spoon.”

Rasputin looked puzzled. “What is the spoon for, if I may ask?”

“It’s for you,” replied Gwen. “This is Maine, you know. The electricity’s been out for two days.”

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