Archive for October, 2012

Avenger in Denver

I don’t usually do politics, but everyone was so surprised by Obama’s poor performance in the first debate that I have to point out something that you all may be overlooking. Yes, he was pathetic: He seldom looked Romney in the eye; he failed to bring up Romney’s gaffes such as the “47% are losers” debacle (Romney’s estimate was low); he kept repeating the same weak arguments despite Romney’s effective refutations. What was going on? I can explain it in one simple term:


The President’s brilliant strategy, taken right from the Mohammad Ali playbook, was instantly clear to me. If I’m right, he will be equally hapless in the next debate, focusing on foreign policy. He will be unable to find Iran on a map. He won’t know the president of Uzbekistan. He will identify Israel and Canada as members of the Axis of Evil. The Democrats and the media will be even more shocked and dismayed. Chris Matthews will be placed on suicide watch. And of course, Romney and his supporters will rejoice, and will confidently begin picking out curtains for the Oval Office.

Then will come the third debate.

The topic doesn’t matter. A different Barack Obama will arrive. He will be cool and relaxed. Perhaps he will wear his golf slacks, or will walk up dribbling a basketball. He’ll place his Nobel Prize for Being Barack Obama on the podium. The questions won’t phase him; he will answer every one by singing his response like Al Green. He will smile and wink at the swooning women in the audience. Romney will be thrown off his stride; he will babble and stutter like Porky Pig in the face of Obama’s overwhelming hope-inspiring charm, and will repeatedly fail to bring the debate back to the important issues . Perhaps Obama will even say, “There you go again, Mitt!” Moderator Bob Schieffer will frequently tell Romney to “Shut up and listen to the President!”

Romney will be devastated. He might even drop out of the race. On November 6, Obama will not only win the election in a landslide, he will also win American Idol, The Voice, and a second Nobel Prize (for being the Coolest Barack Obama Ever.) Our downward spiral to third world mediocrity will continue for four more years. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Enjoy the ride.