Archive for March, 2010

Mutton-Bustin’ Zander

Zander rides Crazy Fluffy

Zander walked reluctantly up to the office door. He hesitated a moment, then knocked gently. The door swung open, and he was dismayed to see that his rodeo trainer was watching the game film from last night.

“You wanted to see me, coach?”

“Yes, Zander,” the grizzled old cowboy replied, “have a seat, son. I wanted to talk to you about your ride last night.”

Zander shook his head in disgust. “I know, I didn’t stay on very long.”

“Are you kidding? I was going to congratulate you! Do you know who that was you rode for almost two seconds?”

“No, they didn’t tell me.”

“It’s a good thing they didn’t, or you might not have gotten on him at all. Only two other riders have even made it out of the gate, and neither of them lasted more than half a second on that monster! That was Crazy Fluffy you were riding!”

“Crazy Fluffy? Are you sure?” asked Zander in amazement.

“That’s right. The Devil’s Q-Tip himself. You set the record, son, and it’s going to last forever. They’re retiring that walking death-trap immediately. Something they should have done long ago. It’s a wonder no one’s been hurt. Now sit down and watch this ride, son.”

Zander watched with new-found pride as the film looped over and over.

“Do you see right there, at the point seven second mark?” the coach said, “That little bushwacker is trying to bite off your right leg, so you leaned over and rode him sideways for the next eight tenths of a second. I haven’t seen riding like that since Yakima Canutt perfected that trick in ‘Riders of the Dawn’ in 1937.”

“Yeah, that’s right, I did that on purpose,” Zander quickly agreed.Zander Frees, cowpoke

“Where’d you learn to ride like that? I’ve only been working with you for a month.”

“My Mom taught me.”

“Well, I’m tellin’ you, Zander, you’ve got a real lucrative career ahead of you if you stick with it.”

“I don’t know, coach. Do you think mutton bustin’ will ever become as big as soccer?”

“Of course it will! Once those idiots at the networks stop ignoring my letters and start showing action like this,” pointing to the screen, “why, sponsors like Wrangler and Stetson will start beating a path to your door. You’re gonna be rich!”

“But coach,” Zander protested, “I’m only five years old!”

“You don’t ride like it, son. Now, do you want to stay for lunch?”

“What are you having?”

“Lamb chops, boy! Crazy Fluffy has thrown his last rider.”