![\"Vacuum](\"http:\/\/www.ebrizz.com\/bigphoto.jpg\" "\\"Vacuum")
<\/a>The knock on the door sounded oddly cheerful, but when Gwen opened it, she was startled to see a disheveled man with a crazed look about him. He reminded her of Rasputin, except for the complex looking machine he held in his hand. He produced a maniacal grin and started his spiel before she could close the door in his face.<\/p>\n“Good afternoon, sir or madam!” he exclaimed, small droplets of spittle spraying from his foam-flecked, crusted lips. “You are about to be amazed! Watch this!”<\/p>\n
And with that he leaned past Gwen and threw a large handful of dirt onto her new, cream-colored carpet.<\/p>\n
“What are you doing?” she screamed, “Have you lost your mind?” She realized too late that it was a rhetorical question.<\/p>\n
“Fear not, pretty lady!” Rasputin chortled. “This is your lucky day! I am here to introduce you to the revolutionary Suck-o-Matic 9000, the next generation of home vacuum systems.” He brandished the device in his hand in what Gwen felt was an unnecessarily threatening manner.<\/p>\n
“But my carpet,” she protested, “you’ve ruined it!”<\/p>\n
“Tut tut, my dear,” he replied, “there is no dirt or stain too tough for the Suck-o-Matic 9000. It incorporates the latest breakthroughs in nanotechnology, space-age polymers and HOBO filters.”<\/p>\n
“Isn’t that HEPA filters?”<\/p>\n
“Never mind that. Give me five minutes of your time and this modern-day miracle will have that carpet looking better than new or I’ll personally eat every grain of dirt on your rug!”<\/p>\n
Gwen looked doubtful. “Are you sure about that?” she asked.<\/p>\n
“I guarantee it, madam! Just give me a minute to set it set up.”<\/p>\n
“OK,” said Gwen as she turned away, “I’ll go out to the kitchen and get a spoon.”<\/p>\n
Rasputin looked puzzled. “What is the spoon for, if I may ask?”<\/p>\n
“It’s for you,” replied Gwen. “This is Maine, you know. The electricity’s been out for two days.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The knock on the door sounded oddly cheerful, but when Gwen opened it, she was startled to see a disheveled man with a crazed look about him. He reminded her of Rasputin, except for the complex looking machine he held in his hand. He produced a maniacal grin and started his spiel before she could […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-90","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mikes_rambling"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=90"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":95,"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions\/95"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=90"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=90"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/frees.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=90"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}